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Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, I’ve spent many, mostly enjoyable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I had a committed partnership which continued for four years, but I never felt completely content, because I felt neither loved or sexually nourished. The fact is that I have always craved casual sex. Whenever I begin seeing a potential partner, once the newness fades, I always get the urge to be intimate with new partners again.

Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment

I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to maintain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males have non-monogamous arrangements, but from my observations, they have seemed demanding, often causing significant pain and jealousy among all parties. In many ways, I desire another man to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, but I fear the psychological toll this might create. Should I just keep having spontaneous encounters and accept that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost.

Every person’s intimate path fluctuates. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your ability to tolerate different types of sexual unions as fixed. Your needs in your current state could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you might become more decisive and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or not. One day you could encounter someone who provides a transformative opportunity to you by reflecting what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Worrying about what lies ahead and playing endless speculation is simply anxiety-based and a waste of your efforts. Aim to stay in the moment with your partners, and recognize the worth of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to strengthen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know.

• The psychotherapist practices as a American psychotherapist who specialises in treating intimacy issues.