Those Phrases given by A Parent Which Rescued Me during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for a year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience quickly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good place. You need some help. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to talking about the strain on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are part of a wider failure to talk amongst men, who continue to absorb negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a display of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a pause - taking a few days abroad, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the expression of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, profound trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, tell a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that made you feel like you before having a baby. It could be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - expressing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I said, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."